THE WAR OF 2006

It’s a toss-up: Who in the Middle East
Deserves the title “Intransigent Beast?
Twixt Israel and heedless Hezbollah,
Upon that `rabbi or that mad mullah,
Don’t place your bets until you know which one
Can aim and then unleash the biggest gun.
Katyushas, now, can only go so far
And in the fight might only rank sub-par:
Blasts are short, their landing places random
Compared to missiles with their stages tandem.
But bad Iran now lends Silkworm support
To target ships far from the Hebrew port.
Hezbollah’s aim has sharpened, too, looks like,
Katyushas deadlier with every strike.
So America steps up to the plate
To seal, we hope, Hezbollah’s final fate
By giving Israel some bombs with lasers.
(They’ll have to do until the world has phasers!)
But will this battle solve the basic glitch?
It’s not a fight between the poor and rich,
It doesn’t pit the dumb against the smart,
It’s more a test to see who’s right at heart.
Israel stands up to fearsome neighbors
Its valid “right to be” it still belabors
While fascists touting Islam’s “peaceful” way
Should kill the infidels and seize the day.
Not only that. Hezbollah and the rest
Would like to crush the values of the West
Until all Jews and Christians disappear
And Earth is ruled by politics of fear.

In my opinion, intransigency
Might very well turn out to hold the key
To freedom’s preservation on the earth,
Each nation-state revealing its true worth.
We’re calling on our allies, even France
To recognize this war give us the chance
To place decisive blows against the Beast
Who’s really f***ing up the Middle East.
It is our world at risk, make no mistake:
It is a job we all must undertake.
Simplistic though this rhyming rant may be
Don’t counter terror with apology
Don’t support the idiots who rate
Fighting back as “disproportionate.”
Remember, kids, the job will not be done
Until the Western world has finally won.

POST-PYONGYANG MISSILE MISS MESS


The many quirks of crazy Kim Jong Il
May seem to be a very bitter pill.
He tries to quell his country’s desperation
With taunts and threats aimed at our stronger nation.
He thinks he’ll scare our democratic throngs
With reckless launches of those taepodongs.
Annoying, yes, but Kim’s a plain whack job
At whom some bigger missiles we can lob.
And if we do, you can be sure that Kim
Will find his future looking pretty dim.
Actually, we’ll try diplomacy
To force this creep into some normalcy.
But who can reason with a boastful talker
Whom all agree is clearly off his rocker?
His missiles cannot seem to reach their mark;
Perhaps his bite’s not quite up to his bark.
What are the chances that this little puke
Will top his taepo with a lethal nuke?
Will North Korea gain the expertise
To bring our greater nation to its knees?
Will China and/or Russia get a grip
And then the power balance rightly tip?
Or will China and Korea carry on
Then gang up to exterminate Taiwan?
Seems Russia’d rather sell guns and sit back
Than help us read ol’ Kim the riot act.
For its part, the U.N. still has clout
If only all the communists get out!
It's just another crisis to outwait,
To count upon men's wisdom and good fate,
To pray to God Kim's missile plans will flop
So once again the good guys land on top.
And if they don't, the world will always wish
That Kim Jong Il had eaten poison fish.

(I could write more couplets but I'd better stop.)